Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Joyce's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
9:42 am	Been gone Things have been tough. Two friends with cancer. Things at home. No writing...no chance of writing in sight. But family is healthy. Kids are growing and learning...warming my heart in new and wonderful ways. Hubby and I are trying to reacquaint ourselves with each other...trying to reacquaint ourselves with ourselves. Hope everyone is well. Miss you all. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
10:45 am	Dilemma Long story short: my daughter's doctor ordered lab work as a part of her routine checkup. The lab billed it to our insurance company as a third party request which was absolutely not the case (ie-lab work requested because of an outside party, such as a preschool or day care provider.) Our insurance doesn't cover third party requests, so they denied the claim and we were then billed by the lab. I called the lab, explained that they made an error, and after two months of running around got it straightened out. The lab work was done three years ago and the billing fiasco happened two years ago. Last week I received a bill from a collection agency. It's for the same, damn lab work. So my dilemma is this: do I fight for my rights and refuse to pay for someone else's mistake or do I give in the just get this whole stupid thing over with? My fear is that I'll expend time and energy that, quite frankly, I don't have and I'll end up paying anyway. Yet, the thought of giving the lab $195 that, quite frankly, I don't have, and having this on my credit report really kills me. I'm so frustrated. I have always paid my bills and have always tried to do what's good and right. So why do I feel like I get dumped on so often? Gah. I hate being a victim. Maybe that's the real issue here...I don't want to admit helplessness. Current Mood: pissed off (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 27th, 2006
8:46 am	Slowly... Just popping in to say, 'hey'. Things are slowly getting better, though I know better than to become complacent. This is one race that I have to look at in the long term, complete with peaks and valleys. Time to build up reserves, lay some stronger foundations so that the next valley might not be so deep. Endurance. Diligence. And somewhere in there...the smarts to stop and enjoy the scenery once in a while. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
8:49 am	Too much Too much going on to even attempt catching up here. Suffice it say that life is...hard. Nothing catastrophic, mind you, but oh so very hard all the same. I know that this is all the result of a dire need for change. Change is good, though it hurts like hell. Change takes diligience. So much so, that I don't know that I'll have much time to write in the near future. That's OK. Yesterday, I saw the first crocus of the season. It gave me hope to see that tiny green shoot poking through the dull, gray earth. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 13th, 2006
3:20 pm	Back I wrote 214 painful words today. It was awfully unpleasant. But I did it. And I'm proud of myself. Vacation was good. Hard in some respects, but mostly good. Great weather...great time playing with the kids. They loved the pool! We're all glad to be home, though. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, March 3rd, 2006
1:43 pm	Leavin' on a jet plane We're packing up the kids and heading to Florida for a week. It's not a true vacation in the sense that we're visiting family, but it sure will be nice to have a change. I won't have to work or worry about housework for a whole week! Someone else will prepare my meals, wash my linens, and make sure I get a few minutes to myself. Who knows, I might even be able to spend some time with my husband! It'll be fun to take the kids to the beach and take them swimming. This will be Josiah's first time on an airplane too, so that will be interesting =) I anticipate he'll enjoy himself. I hope we end up doing a whole lot of nothing with each other! So, I'm off to enjoy some warmer weather and some much needed time with my little family. Be back on the 13th. Current Mood: optimistic (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
10:13 am	Out of sync I am just plain out of sync with the universe. These phases normally come and go, but this one is lingering. I've tried to fight it. I've tried to change it. I've even tried to make friends with it. The way I see it, I have one option left. Go with it. So, I'm calling a retreat. Time to gather the troops and sit tight until a bit of the turbulence eases. Time to lick wounds and rest and catch our breath. Time to re-prioritize. The writing will wait. Friends will wait. I'll be back sometime next week. Take care everyone! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
10:23 am	One more thing... One more thing I'd like to teach my children...the joy of sleeping past 5:30. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
8:59 am	Lessons and measurements On the way home last night, I thought about my kids and all the things I want for them. I want them to be successful. I want them to excel. I want them to have easy, care-free lives. But ultimately, what I want for them is...happiness. Peace. Joy. How do I give them these things? How do I teach them to desire these things, attain these things? Do I tell them happiness is found in success? Peace in excellence? Joy in ease? Absolutely not. So why do I tell these things to myself? Why do I teach my children one thing and practice another? So I thought further...what am I trying to teach my kids? -the love of God -the love of family -to serve/be generous -to be kind -to strive -to learn -to grow -to love -to persevere Though by no means an exhausted list, the point is clear. As I teach my children, so shall they teach me. I just need to start listening. Current Mood: thoughtful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 20th, 2006
2:24 pm	Measurement Contemplating measurement today. I tend to measure things quantitatively: how much, how fast, how high...I want to change that. I want to see differently, experience differently. I want to live in terms of process rather than outcome. Qualitative. Current Mood: contemplative (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 16th, 2006
2:22 pm	Quickly... Good things: -decided to try on belt today that didn't fit two months ago...I'm wearing it on the fourth notch! -the amazing scent of star-gazer lillies on my desk, courtesy of hubby -homemade valentine cards from my daughter -my baby trying to 'sing' -soft, snuggly kitty Icky things: -think I'm coming down with the flu -baby still fighting a cold -writing stinks -getting behind at home Thoughts only coming in clips today. Will force my 100 words on WIP later this afternoon. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
11:59 am	Bah Well, I'm off to write. I've done about 400 words this week, but I'm in one of those 'what's the point' kind of moods. Bah, I hate that. The point is, I enjoy writing. So what if I'm not great. So what if I occasionally have to bang my head against the wall. Oh well. Get over it. OK, I'm going now. Going to write. Yup. Watch me go. Current Mood: aggravated (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
8:55 am	Good things Good things for today: Baby pushing rubber duck into the tub over and over and over saying, 'uh-oh'. Daughter stealing bits of my breakfast...again. Hubby giving me Valentine card early. Kitty asleep on his back with all four paws in the air. Sunlight reflecting off the snow on the trees. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 13th, 2006
11:51 am	Good things We shelter our children. We don't hide them away in a coccoon, mind you, but we try to limit their exposure to the 'evils' of the world. One reason, aside from the obvious, is to provide them with positive models. We want them to learn how things should be. We want them to see good things, hear good things, so they will in turn hopefully do good things. I'm really breaking things down into its most simplistic terms, but you get the drift. For the next hour, I'm going to focus on the good things. I'm going to picture my daughter outside as she was yesterday in her pink snowsuit and purple shovel as she helped her dad clear the driveway. I'm going to hear my son's maniacal little laugh as he managed to crawl out of the living room and race after the dog. I'm going to remember how my hubby made sure I got to work on time this morning. Small things. Yet big things. Good things. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
11:29 am	Shutting down... Daughter was sick with stomach flu. Baby is sick with nasty cold. Blizzard dumped 18 inches of snow on the ground. Unexpected household needs sucking finances beyond dry. Hubby feeling neglected because wife goes to bed at 8. Wife...running on autopilot. There's nothing wrong with autopilot when it's used sparingly, but I've been on it a bit too long. I'm starting to shut down. Not good. Will attempt to break the cycle this week. Not sure how yet. Will try for my 100 words today on new WIP. I have absolutely no desire to write, but I'll write anyway. Current Mood: blank (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, February 10th, 2006
9:12 am	I was just thinking this morning on my way into work how lonely I feel, yet I never have a moment to myself. Of course I have moments to myself (in the car, in the shower...sometimes) but it's never really a time for me...a time to be rather than do. I feel constantly sucked dry and the only one replenishing me is, well me. I guess the caregiver needs to be taken care of once in a while. I wonder if Lola's griefs stem from a similar base. Anyway...I'm not much in the mood for analyzing or even fixing. Just get through the day so I can lie my head down tonight. Perhaps tomorrow will bring strength. Or rest. Current Mood: lonely (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
8:18 am	eternally tired I just wrote a lengthy post about being tired all the time, but decided to delete it. Bottom line: I'm healthy, I'm happy, I'm productive and fulfilled. I just also happen to be tired. I wish it were different, but I don't see a way to change it. So I deal with it. There. Done. I haven't written in a while. I don't remember when I last took out the WIP, but I'm certainly not losing any sleep over it. I have quite a bit to tend to regarding the old homefront and I've been preoccupied. Maybe next week I'll get back to the WIP. Maybe 200 words per weekday would be a realistic goal. We'll see. Current Mood: tired (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
8:40 am	the rollercoaster I've finally accepted the fact that life is indeed a rollercoaster, so I'm not all that surprised to find myself in one heck of a funk this morning. Of course, getting up at 3:00 a.m. with the baby might have something to do with that. The good news is that the rollercoaster runs in the other direction. Though I might feel at the absolute end of rope today, wishing that I could run away, that can change just as quickly. Gee...I'm tired enough that I don't care that my sentence structures stink. Bah humbug. Current Mood: blah (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
12:28 pm	My baby My baby turns four today. I took my daughter to her physical today, and while the nurse prepared the syringes, I couldn't help but remember all we went through to start our family. Nearly every day for two years we did injections of some form or another. How well I remember the sting of the meds, the smell of the alcohol, the constant watching of the clock...the calendar. And now the clock ticks by without my notice, and the pages of the calendar often go unturned. Now I smell the scent of bubble bath and baby lotion; I feel wet, sticky kisses on my cheek and tiny fingers twined in my hair. Giggles fill the rooms that once stood empty, and the walls reverberate with a music that thrills and exhausts, heals and tests, dances and rests. My baby turns four today. I can't help but dance =) Current Mood: thankful (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
8:38 am	Ew Tough morning. I refuse to wallow, however! I will be productive. I will be kind. I will find great joy in sloughing off this dank, dark cloud. I am woman, hear me...meow. Current Mood: determined (Comment on this)